Seeking Revenue, Graduate Center Legalizes Marijuana (Satire)

Seeking Revenue, Gradua...

It’s the first thing CUNY administrators think about in the morning and the last thing they recollect as they shut their eyes at night. It’s the metaphorical sugar in their coffee, the salt in their soup, the ganja in their splif. It’s called money, and there’s about to be a lot...
GC Creates New Department of Herstory (Satire)

GC Creates New Departme...

Her committee said it couldn’t be done.  There was no way history graduate student Kram Ebeihcs would be able to write her proposed thesis, “The Penis Dialogue: Personal Reflections on Phallic Imagery in Eve Ensler’s Vagina Monologues,” within the Graduate Center’s conservative...
CUNY Plans Graduate School of Bartending (Satire)

CUNY Plans Graduate Sch...

In response both to the weak job market inside and outside academia and to strong interest among the unemployed in drowning their sorrows in perfectly mixed alcoholic spirits, CUNY is developing a new school of bartending. Officially called the “O’Reilly’s Graduate School of...
New Grad Center Provost Has Amazing Hair (Satire)

New Grad Center Provost...

Is it a perfect Southern California wave frozen in time, its crest forever feathered by the late autumn offshore breeze; or, the living form of a jagged alpine peak, hiding sublime mysteries and wonders both natural and supernatural; or a cornice, that historic building’s last...
Poll Finds Satirist M. Lau’s Approval Rating at All-Time Low

Poll Finds Satirist M. ...

Whether it’s because they never thought his “Back Page” “articles” were funny in the first place, or because they gradually began to discern the formulaic and insipid nature of most of his jokes and premises, or because he has cast aspersions on too many members of the fragile...

Professors Watts Arrest...

Late last week, “The Diogenes of Midtown,” GC Professor Jerry Watts, made a citizen’s arrest of an NYPD patrol officer outside the Graduate Center. Many are calling it the astonishing and unlikely sequel to America’s most famous racial-profiling incident, the arrest of...